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Hit the Pause Button

Stunned, dazed and confused - picture that walking out of the doctor's office. I remember getting in the car and thinking that this had to be a dream, or rather a nightmare. I took a few deep breaths to get my panic attack under control and drove home.... to what?

OMG...it hit me as I pulled into the driveway... we're supposed to be moving to Austin the following morning at 8 am. Holy Shit!! Everything was done, bought the dream lake house in Austin (Rough Hollow Lakeway Tx), "check", shipped the boat, "check", registered the kids in the new school, "check", LA house for sale, "check", and jobs set up, "check". The only thing left was to pack the furniture & hop on a one way flight from California to Texas.

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Since I had no idea what the cancer diagnosis meant (was it surgery? chemo? short term or long term illness? radiation? a slow death?) the only thing I could actually do was to cancel the movers and spend the rest of the afternoon freaking out & trying to figure out what to do next.

Well....we didn't figure it out because... it was way too much to digest and so surreal. I felt fine - no different from the day before, yet our lives were changed in an instant. The only thing Frank and I could come up with was to hit the "pause button" until we got more clarity.

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We decided to use the one way tickets to Austin and get the "Hell out of Dodge", hit the lake, get some wakeboarding in, watch the sunsets from our deck, drink heavily, hang out with the kids, celebrate my birthday and pray hard that God would give us some answers.

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After 10 days of coming up with Plan A, B, C - X, Y & Z, we decided plans were over-rated at this point and the best course of action was to head back to LA and learn more about my diagnosis and what options I had before we made any drastic changes. One thing we were sure of... Our family and friends (our entire support structure) were all back home and trying to go through this alone in a strange city, with strange doctors and no friends or family, would have just been plain stupid.